As an ally and licensed therapist in the California area, I’ve seen firsthand the struggles that trans and non-binary people who are close to me have had to go through. Respecting someone’s identity ought to be so easy, but sadly, in the society in which we live, it is still difficult for people to accept others’ differences for a plethora of reasons, Number one, they could be a bigot who is afraid because they can’t comprehend the different ways people experience gender; fear oftentimes leads to hate. Number two, they don’t care enough to understand, and number three, they just aren’t aware. Let’s discuss how we can navigate this with our safety and mental health in mind.
If you’ve recently come out as non-binary, transgender, or gender nonconforming, congratulations on taking that huge step! You might be feeling empowered and ready to live your truth. But what happens when the people around you, including close friends or family, just can’t seem to respect your pronouns? Today we wanted to offer some strategies you can use to help protect your peace!
How to get the respect you deserve for your gender identity
- Education is Key – Many people who misgender you might do so out of
ignorance rather than malice. They might not understand
how gender identity is complicated or how important it is to
use the right pronouns. The thing is, you don’t owe anyone
an education on who you are. It’s all based on your
preference, if you feel like educating them, do it, if you don’t,
encourage them to Google it!
- Set Boundaries – And this will be hard, but setting boundaries is not a punishment. It’s a way to save the relationship. If someone continues to intentionally misgender you despite your constant corrections, it’s important to set boundaries. Let them know that this behavior is hurtful, unacceptable, and just overall not cute! If they don’t agree with who you are, maybe it’s time for them to take a backseat in your life.
- Find Supportive Allies – Be mindful of the spaces you’re in! Surround yourself with people who support and affirm your gender identity. Seek out LGBTQ+ groups or online communities like the San Mateo County Pride Center, where you can connect with others who understand you and what you’re going through.
- Disclosure is optional – Let’s be very real, America is still a very unsafe place for trans and non-binary people. With legislation being passed to make their very existence illegal there might be situations where disclosing your true identity could be unsafe. Remember that your identity is still true whether you feel comfortable disclosing it or not, and no one can determine who you are but you!
If you take nothing else away from this article, I just want to encourage you to BE YOU! At the end of the day, you are the only one who gets to decide who you are and how you express your gender identity. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or dictate who you are! Wear whatever you want, use whatever pronouns you feel comfortable with, and rock it out with confidence and pride. Also, know that you are not alone in your gender identity journey and that there are so many people out there who support you and have your back. Embrace your uniqueness, and don’t let anyone take that away from you. Your gender identity is something to be proud of!
Are you looking for a queer affirming therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area?
If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area (including but not limited to San Mateo, Burlingame, Palo Alto, and San Jose) or the Greater Los Angeles area and you’re looking for more support with this, feel free to reach out for a 15 minute consultation. At TODOS Therapy, we’re here to guide you through this process and give you the support that you deserve.
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